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That relationship wasn’t meant to last. For a long time, I thought I found myself because of it, but now I realize I found myself in spite of it. We wanted different things out of life, and he never really understood or shared my love of nature and hiking. He even teased me for asking about the massive trees around Juneau.
For the record, they’re Western hemlocks. I figured it out myself.
#Hiking changed what I notice.
When I was a kid, I felt embarrassed that I recognized more dumb corporate logos than the plants in my own backyard. That imbalance always bothered me. Now, when I walk in the woods, I greet familiar species like old friends. I now mostly use the Seek app to double check my IDs, and I’m usually right. And when I do find something new, it feels like meeting a new friend!
Some people collect souvenirs. I collect species.
That first trip was the beginning of another love story: hiking. We spent so much time outdoors, from big hikes like Mt. Roberts to easy walks on the Flume Trail, that when I got back to Virginia, I just… never stopped. So this month marks five years of being an avid hiker.
I’ve come a long way since then. As an #actuallyautistic person, balance and coordination have never been easy for me, but hiking taught me to listen to and trust my body. Now, I usually catch myself before I fall. And if I do fall, I know how to fall correctly to avoid getting seriously hurt… most of the time. (Let’s not talk about those two broken feet in the early years 😂)
All those miles also taught me confidence. Most of my hikes are solo, since not many people want to wake up at 3 a.m. for a 12-mile hike lol. Somewhere in those quiet mornings and fun adventures, I learned to trust myself. If something goes wrong, I'll figure it out.
Solo hikes turned into solo weekend trips, and then into solo travel. One of my most meaningful journeys was returning to Alaska alone in 2024. I went back carrying the weight of a relationship that had ended, hoping the place where I first found myself would help me figure out who I was becoming and how to move forward.
It did.
That relationship wasn’t meant to last. For a long time, I thought I found myself because of it, but now I realize I found myself in spite of it. We wanted different things out of life, and he never really understood or shared my love of nature and hiking. He even teased me for asking about the massive trees around Juneau.
For the record, they’re Western hemlocks. I figured it out myself.
Sometimes life grants you gifts in unexpected packaging. Like the Rolling Stones said: you can’t always get what you want… but you get what you need. That first trip gave me much more than a relationship. It gave me lifelong passions, countless adventures/misadventures, confidence, curiosity, and a deep love for the natural world. It changed how I see both #nature and myself.
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